Legendary Actress Dies
BY: CECILIA THOMAS
HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA–Cult B-movie actress Eva Constantine passed away at her home in Kyoto, Japan on April 13, 2011 of pneumonia. The actress, who had originally starred in many low-budget science fiction and fantasy films in America during the latter third of the 20th century, had relocated to Japan in the late ’80’s, though she did return several times to Hollywood to star in 3 more films before retiring from the American film scene. She’d continued acting in Kyoto, Japan, and was twice married, the most recent time to Hikoru Mahitosha, digital and media tycoon of the Eastern hemisphere. Mr. Mahitosha died on January 3, 2011, leaving his empire in chaos and Ms. Constantine exhausted.
Ms. Constantine is survived by Storm Constantine, also known as Storm Konstantine, author and actor, late of Texas and recently moved to Miami, Florida. Mr. Konstantine was not available for comment and was not seen at the wake. Fans from all continents gathered at the Shinto-Buddhist temple that she had lately become solitary patroness to, and mourned her passing in the way that only Constantine fans could: dressing in strange costumes and taking over the Kobiyashi film house for a week-long festival of films starring Eva and Storm Constantine (Konstantine).
PHOTO: A picture of a beautiful, ageless-seeming woman with violet eyes and long black hair, posed perfectly in a silent half-swoon in the arms of an obviously fake-looking werewolf, is near the article, with a caption describing the still from the 1979 film, “Married to the Moon: Werewolf 3”. Another picture is cropped against it, with the woman older, in a candid shot at a nightclub as she speaks with a pale young man with waist-length black hair and violet eyes, recognizable as Storm Konstantine.
Beach Area Re-development Making Progress
BY GEORGE WILLIAMS
MIAMI BEACH–Since the still unexplained explosion that shattered glass and collapsed buildings like card houses, the residents of Miami and tourists alike have wanted the Miami Beach area cleaned and reopened. Well, ladies and gentlemen, your tax dollars have been silently working while we all slept and voila`, the construction crews, owners, city commissioners, and all of your faithful politicians have finally finished enough of the area’s re-development to let you, the public, in. The area Realtors should soon have plenty of information for anyone wishing to aid in the expansion of the area. The only downfall to this good news is the public beach is still blocked off and no one is allowed through. There is no word on when the beach will be re-opened.
War Game Misfire
BY JOHN SMITH
WASHINGTON, D.C.-Nine Miles, Jamaica is no more. The small fishing village was hit during what some believe to have been a war game miscalculation. In a press release late yesterday evening, the Pentagon has stated that the U.S. Navy was responsible for the cruise missile’s misfiring last week which led to the leveling of the small village. Regretfully, there are no survivors. There is an ongoing investigation as to the circumstances surrounding this incident that allowed such a tragedy to occur.
Relatives are still being kept from the barricaded city and continue to keep vigil just outside the decimated area.
Change of Command for Miami PD
BY: CECILIA THOMAS
MIAMI–As of 1 April 2011, Chief Stacy Edward Johansen will step down as Chief of Police for the Metro-Dade area. Having held this position since 1 December 2007, Chief Johansen will be succeeded by Captain Harrison D’Guerre, formerly of the Houston PD and head of the Special Police division established by Chief Johansen in order to aid the city’s efforts at rebuilding following the terrorist action which cost the Department so dearly.
When asked about his decision to retire, Chief Johansen acknowledged that it had been his plan to retire since the devastation, but he had wished to remain until the rebuilding efforts had progressed far enough so that he was no longer needed. When pressed for his plans next, he responded: ‘I plan to take a vacation and get away for a while. The city is recovering and it is time for a new leader for its protectors.’
Local Commissioners Up For Re-Election
BY: CECILIA LEWINSKY
MIAMI–Several years ago Miami went through a restructuring, moving from a mayoral government to a City Council composed of Commissioner Seats. The terms are staggered so that seats are vacated and filled in odd and even election years. Local politicians are gearing up for the November 7 election. The deadline for qualifying entries for the November ballot is May 31, 2011. Several incumbents have already tossed their hats back into the proverbial ring. The incumbents with their platform topics/views are as follows:
Republican:
**Commissioner Carla J. Bouvier–Anti-drug. Anti-pornography. Wants tougher legislation on strip clubs, escort services, massage parlors.
**Commissioner Sam L. Ruffino–Tough on crime. Wants to hire more cops and provide them with better equipment. Wants tougher prison sentences.
**Commissioner Gwendolyn C. Washington–Anti-prostitution. Anti-drug. Anti-gang.
Democratic:
**Commissioner Jeff R. Collier–Tough on alcohol-related issues. Tries to get laws passed that make bars & restaurants more responsible for drunk patrons. Wants tougher DUI & Public intoxication laws.
**Commissioner Manuel A. Gallegos–Very anti-drug, esp. in schools.
Living: Entertainment
LITERARY REVIEW: _Questions of Reality_ By: Donald McAllen
REVIEWED BY CECILIA LEWINSKY
MIAMI–During my first reading of _Questions of Reality_, I had to ask myself a few times was this a textbook or not? This new book, by local author Donald McAllen, will hit the shelves this weekend. Although presented as a college level textbook on the subject, the material is represented as a series of easy to understand stories whose dialog establishes the classic arguments and propels the main thesis, which explores the conflicting aspects of personal, and community realities. While the subject matter may not be for everyone, the presentation lends itself well to both scholastic and general reading.
This book is published by <whomever>, and it is expected to hit the shelves this weekend. I encourage you to purchase a copy for your own enlightenment.
Est. Retail Price $32.95
Local Businessman Dead
BY: Sharon Mills
MIAMI–Police identified the victim of a fatal shooting as local businessman Nico ‘Ice’ Johnston. Authorities, when asked, refused to give details pertaining to this incident stating “the disappearance and death of Nico Johnston is still under investigation.”
Mr. Johnston was well known throughout the city. He owned several businesses ranging from a restaurant to a local gun club. Many insinuated that he had connections with the mob. Some claimed he was actually the power behind local underworld activities and used this influence to secure acquittals in two major trials. On the other side, he was a charitable man, supporting the local children’s home with regular contributions. Services for Mr. Johnston will be closed to the public. Private services will be held for family and close friends only.